The company marched so poorly and went through their drill so badly that the captain, who was of a somewhat excitable nature, shouted indignantly at the soldiers:—
“You knock-kneed, big-footed idiots, you are not worthy of being drilled by a captain. What you want is a rhinoceros to drill you, you wretched lot of donkeys.”
Then, sheathing his sword indignantly, he added, “Now, lieutenant, you take charge of them!”
THE QUEEN, LIEUTENANT
The sporty lieutenant, on being handed one of the mufflers so thoughtfully sent out to English soldiers at the Front by “Mary R.” representing the ladies of the Empire, murmured:—
“I thought I knew every single one of the Empire ladies, by sight at any rate; but dashed if I can remember ‘Mary R.’”
FINE WORK
The war bulletins, which used to announce the taking of provinces and army corps, announce now the taking of single trenches, or single farm-houses—they announce, like a football game, gains of a few yards.
It’s fine work, very fine work. It reminds one of the jockey who was a trifle overweight—only a trifle, mind; but this trifle was enough to disqualify him.