Out of a job, Mike turned to contracting and in time became wealthy and a figure in his community. When he applied to the leading bank for a loan of fifty thousand dollars, he was assured that he could get it—and was asked to sign the necessary notes. Again he was obliged to reply: "Oi can't write."
The banker was astounded. "And you have accumulated all this wealth and position without knowing how to write!" he exclaimed. "What would you have been to-day if you could write?"
Mike paused a moment, and answered:
"Oi would have been a sexton."
CONCLUSIVE
Two Irishmen were working on the roof of a building one day when one made a mis-step and fell to the ground; the other leaned over and called: "Are ye dead or alive, Mike?"
"I'm alive," said Mike, feebly.
"Sure, yer such a liar I don't know whether to believe ye or not."
"Well, then, I must be dead," said Mike, "for ye would never dare to call me a liar if I were alive."