NOT IN THE TACTICS
A company of very new soldiers were out on a wide heath, practising the art of taking cover. The officer in charge of them turned to one of the rawest of his men.
"Get down behind that hillock there," he ordered, sternly, "and mind, not a move or a sound!"
A few minutes later he looked around to see if they were all concealed, and, to his despair, observed something wriggling behind the small mound. Even as he watched the movements became more frantic.
"I say, you there!" he shouted, angrily, "do you know you are giving our position away to the enemy?"
"Yes, sir," said the recruit, in a voice of cool desperation, "and do you know that this is an anthill?"
A GUILTY CONSCIENCE
A young fellow who was the crack sprinter of his town—somewhere in the South—was unfortunate enough to have a very dilatory laundress. One evening, when he was out for a practice run in his rather airy and abbreviated track costume, he chanced to dash past the house of that dusky lady, who at the time was a couple of weeks in arrears with his washing.
He had scarcely reached home again when the bell rang furiously and an excited voice was wafted in from the porch:
"Foh de Lawd's sake! won't you-all tell Marse Bob please not to go out no moh till I kin git his clo'es round to him?'"