THE INTELLIGENT CAT
Two suburban gardeners were swearing vengeance on cats.
"It appears to me," one said, "that they seem to pick out your choicest plants to scratch out of the ground."
"There's a big tomcat," the other said, "that fetches my plants out and then sits and actually defies me."
"Why don't you hurl a brick at him?" asked the first speaker.
"That's what makes me mad," was the reply. "I can't. He gets on top of my greenhouse to defy me."
PRIDE
A little boy was on his knees recently one night, and auntie, staying at the house, was present.
"It is a pleasure," she said to him, afterward, "to hear you saying your prayers so well. You speak so earnestly and seriously, and mean what you say, and care about it."
"Ah!" he answered, "ah, but, auntie, you should hear me gargle!"