HUMBLED
Mrs. Mellon did not wish to offend her new cook.
"John," she said to the manservant, "can you find out without asking the cook whether the tinned salmon was all eaten last night? You see, I don't wish to ask her, because she may have eaten it, and then she would feel uncomfortable," added the good soul.
"If you please, ma'am," replied the man, "the new cook has eaten the tinned salmon, and if you was to say anything to her you couldn't make her feel any more uncomfortable than she is."
IS THIS TACT?
An officer on board a warship was drilling his men.
"I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air, and move them as if he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now commence."
After a short effort one of the men stopped.
"Why have you stopped, Murphy?" asked the officer.
"If ye plaze, sir," was the answer, "Oi'm coasting."