THE LIMIT
The manager of a factory recently engaged a new man and gave instructions to the foreman to instruct him in his duties. A few days afterward the manager inquired whether the new man was progressing with his work.
The foreman, who had not agreed very well with the man in question, exclaimed angrily:
"Progressing! There's been a lot of progress. I have taught him everything I know and he is still an ignorant fool."
A PERFECT PROGRAM
This story has the merit of being true, anyhow: The official pessimist of a small Western city, a gentleman who had wrestled with chronic dyspepsia for years, stood in front of the post office as the noon whistles sounded.
"Twelve o'clock, eh?" he said, half to himself and half to an acquaintance. "Well, I'm going home to dinner. If dinner ain't ready I'm going to raise hell; and if it is ready I ain't going to eat a bite."
"TIPPERARY" IN CHINESE
The Chinese have put "Tipperary" into their own language, and native newspapers print the chorus as follows:
Shih ko yuan lu tao Ti-po-lieh-li,
Pi yao ti jih hsing tsou.
Shih ko yuan lu tao Ti-po-lieh-li,
Yao chien we ngai tzu nu,
Tsai hui Pi-ko-ti-li,
Tsai chien Lei-ssu Kwei-rh,
Shih ko yuan lu tao Ti-po-lieh-li,
Tan wo hsin tsai na-rh.