"I know Archie Sloan," answered the puzzled parent; "so I suppose I must know his neck. Why?"
"Well," said Willie, "he just now fell into the back-water up to it."
THEIR ONE TOPIC
"The Kaiser and Hindenburg," said Edsell Ford, son of Henry Ford, "and the crown prince and the other German big-wigs can never mention the war without saying that it was forced upon them, that they are fighting in defense of the fatherland, that their enemies are to blame for all the bloodshed, and so forth.
"The way the Germans insist on this defense talk of theirs, in season and out of season," he went on, "reminds me of the colored preacher who always preached on infant baptism.
"A deputation waited on him one evening and asked him if he wouldn't please drop infant baptism for a time. He said he'd try to meet the deputation's wishes and the following Sunday he announced as his text, 'Adam, Where Art Thou?'
"This text, brethern and sistern,' said the preacher, 'can be divided into fo' heads. Fust, every man is somewhar. Second, most men is whar they hain't got no business to be. Third, you'd better watch out or that's whar you'll be yourself. Fo'th, infant baptism. And now, brethern and sistern, I guess we might as well pass up the first three heads and come immediately to the fo'th—infant baptism.'"
PROBABLY RIGHT
Here is a story of the late Lord Haversham's schooldays. Glancing through his pocket-book, his mother saw a number of entries of small sums, ranging from 2s. 6d. to 5s., against which were the letters "P.G." Thinking this must mean the Propagation of the Gospel, she asked her son why he did not give a lump sum and a larger amount to so deserving a cause.
"That is not for the Propagation of the Gospel," he replied. "When I cannot remember exactly on what I spend the money I put 'P.G.,' which means 'Probably grub.'"