And thus his praise from Beere to Wine doth goe
Even as his Purse in pence doth ebbe and flowe.
[93.] George (Peele) was invited one night by certaine of his friends to supper, at the White Horse in Friday Street: and in the evening as he was going, hee met with an old friend of his, who was so ill at the stomacke, hearing George tell him of the good cheere he went to, himselfe being unprovided both of meate and money, that he swore he had rather have gone a mile about, than have met him at that instant. And beleeve me, quoth George, I am heartily sorry that I cannot take thee along with mee, myselfe being but an invited guest; besides, thou art out of Cloathes, unfitting for such a company. Mary, this I'le doe, if thou wilt follow my advice, I'le help thee to thy supper. Any way, quoth hee to George doe thou but devise the meanes, and I'le execute it. George presently told him what hee should doe; so they parted. George (was) well entertained, with extraordinary welcome, and seated at the upper end of the Table; Supper being brought up, H.M. watched his time below; and when he saw that the meate was carried up, up hee followes, (as George had directed him) who when George saw, You whorson Rascall (quoth George) what make you heere? Sir, quoth he, I am come from the partie you wot of. You Rogue, quoth George, have I not forewarned you of this? I pray you, Sir, quoth hee, heare my Errand. Doe you prate, you Slave? quoth George, and with that, tooke a Rabbet out of the Dish, and threw it at him. Quoth hee, you use me very hardly. You Dunghill, quoth George, doe you out face me? and with that took the other Rabbet, and threw it at his head; after that a Loafe; then drawing his dagger, making an offer to throw it, the Gentleman staid him: meane while HM. got the Loafe and the two Rabbets, and away he went: which when George saw he was gone, after a little fretting, he sate quietly. So by that honest shift, hee helped his friend to his supper, and was never suspected for it of the Company.
[17.] Two Clerks belonging to one Church, and having both of them sate up most part of the night, were both asleep when Sermon was done: a man jogg'd one of them, and bid him sing a Psalm, for Sermon was done. Sing, All People, saies he: The other then awak'd, and hearing him say so said, Hang all people, sing me the hundred Psalm.
[4.] One boasting of his Credit, said, He knew a Scrivener that would lend him Fifty Pounds at any time, on his own Bond, without either Scrip or Scrowl.
[26.] One told a Story that a Miller had a Horse for many years together, whose name was Roan, and being tired with working all day, poor Jade, slept soundly at night; which a thievish fellow espying, flay'd off his Skin, whilest he slept, and went away with it: But Old Roan when he awak't (though 'twas a bitter cold night) yet, poor thing, he came home to the Mill door and neighed very loud, which the honest Miller, hearing, awak't his Wife, and askt her whether that was not the neighing of old Roan? Truly, Husband, says she, it is, let us rise and see what's the matter with him; and when they came out, they wondred to see him in such a pickle: Well Husband, says she, since 'tis as 'tis, I'd have you kill Five or Six of your Sheep (and tomorrow being Market Day, we can sell their Flesh there) and take all the Skins and clap 'em hot upon poor Roan; which he presently did, with his dear Wife's help, and clapt them hot upon the Horse's flay'd Back; which with the Cold night were presently froz'd on, and the Horse as well or rather better in health than ever he was in his life, and I am sure you'll say warmer: And this Horse, said he, they kept for many years after, and every year it brought him Thirty Tod[194] of Wool: And I hope you will believe it; but if you dont believe it, I pray take notice, that I am not bound to find you stories and belief too. Then they all concluded it was true—lie so.
[194] A tod of wool weighs 28 lbs.
[91.] What is that which produceth teares without sorrow, takes his journey to heaven, but dies by the way, is begot by another, yet that other is not begot without it? Resolution. Smoake.
[103.] A Clipper[195] being Sentenc'd to Death, when he came to Tyburn, the Parson was very busie in preparing him for another World, amongst other things he told the Criminal, that it was no small Happiness to have had so much time to Repent, that he might have died suddenly, and by many Accidents, and so have been snatch'd away in a Moment, and gone Headlong down to Hell; but that now he was almost sure he shou'd go to Heaven, and lie in Abraham's Bosom; Say you so, Sir, says the poor Patient, 'tis very good News, but if you please you shall have my Place, for I had rather stay here a little longer.
[195] Of coin, a capital offence.