115. A Gentlewoman, who thought her Servants always cheated her, when they went to Billingsgate to buy Fish, was resolved to go thither one Day herself, and asking the Price of some Fish, which she thought too dear, she bid the Fish-Wife about half what she asked; Lord, Madam, said the Woman, I must have stole it to sell it at that Price, but you shall have it if you will tell me what you do to make your Hands look so white; Nothing, good Woman, answered the Gentlewoman, but wear Dog-Skin Gloves: D—mn you for a lying Bitch, reply'd the other, my Husband has wore Dog-Skin Breeches these ten Years, and his A—se is as brown as a Nutmeg.
116. Dr. Heylin, a noted Author, especially for his Cosmography, happened to lose his Way going to Oxford, in the Forest of Whichwood: Being then attended by one of his Brother's Men, the Man earnestly intreated him to lead the Way; but the Doctor telling him he did not know it: How! said the Fellow, that's very strange that you, who have made a Book of the whole World, cannot find the Way out of this little Wood.
117. Monsieur Vaugelas having obtained a Pension from the French King, by the Interest of Cardinal Richelieu, the Cardinal told him, he hoped he would not forget the Word Pension in his Dictionary. No, my Lord, said Vaugelas, nor the Word Gratitude.
118. A melting Sermon being preached in a Country Church, all fell a weeping but one Man, who being asked, why he did not weep with the rest? O! said he, I belong to another Parish.
119. A Gentlewoman growing big with Child, who had two Gallants, one of them with a wooden Leg, the Question was put, which of the two should father the Child. He who had the wooden Leg offer'd to decide it thus. If the Child, said he, comes into the World with a wooden Leg, I will father it, if not, it must be your's.
120. A Gentleman who had been out a shooting brought home a small Bird with him, and having an Irish Servant, he ask'd him, if he had shot that little Bird, yes, he told him; Arrah! by my Shoul, Honey, reply'd the Irish Man, it was not worth Powder and Shot, for this little Thing would have died in the Fall.
121. The same Irishman being at a Tavern where the Cook was dressing some Carp, he observed that some of the Fish moved after they were gutted and put in the Pan, which very much surprizing Teague, well, now, faith, said he, of all the Christian Creatures that ever I saw, this same Carp will live the longest after it is dead.
122. A Gentleman happening to turn up against an House to make Water, did not see two young Ladies looking out of a Window close by him, 'till he heard them giggling, then looking towards them, he asked, what made them so merry? O! Lord, Sir, said one of them, a very little Thing will make us laugh.
123. A Gentleman hearing a Parson preach upon the Story of the Children being devoured by the two She Bears, who reviled the old Man, and not much liking his Sermon; some Time after seeing the same Parson come into the Pulpit to preach at another Church: O ho! said he, What are you here with your Bears again.
124. A young Fellow riding down a steep Hill, and doubting that the Foot of it was boggish, call'd out to a Clown that was ditching, and ask'd him, if it was hard at the Bottom: Ay, ay, answered the Countryman, it's hard enough at the Bottom I'll warrant you: But in half a Dozen Steps the Horse sunk up to the Saddle Skirts, which made the young Gallant whip, spur, curse and swear, why thou Whoreson Rascal, said he, to the Ditcher, did'st thou not tell me it was hard at Bottom? Ay, reply'd the other, but you are not half Way to the Bottom yet.