906. Foote being in company, and the Tuscan grape producing more riot than concord, he observed one gentleman so far gone in debate as to throw the bottle at his antagonist’s head; upon which, catching the missile in his hand, he restored the harmony of the company, by observing, that if the bottle was passed so quickly, not one of them would be able to stand out the evening.
907. On Mr. H. Erskine’s receiving his appointment to succeed Mr. Dundas, as justiciary in Scotland, he exclaimed that he must go and order his silk robe. Never mind, said Mr. Dundas, for the short time you will want it, you had better borrow mine! No! replied Erskine, how short a time soever I may need it, heaven forbid that I commence my career by adopting the abandoned habits of my predecessor.
908. Lord Mansfield being willing to save a man who stole a watch, desired the jury to value it at tenpence; upon which the prosecutor cried out, Tenpence, my lord! why the very fashion of it cost me five pounds. Oh, said his lordship, we must not hang a man for fashion’s sake.
909. One morning a party came into the public rooms at Buxton, somewhat later than usual, and requested some tongue. They were told that Lord Byron had eaten it all. I am very angry with his lordship, said a lady, loud enough for him to hear the observation. I am sorry for it, madam, retorted Lord Byron; but before I ate the tongue, I was assured you did not want it.
910. Sir William Gooch being engaged in conversation with a gentleman in a street of the city of Williamsburgh, returned the salute of a negro, who was passing by about his master’s business. Sir William, said the gentleman, do you descend so far as to salute a slave? Why, yes, replied the governor; I cannot suffer a man of his condition to exceed me in good manners.
911. A learned Irish Judge, among other peculiarities, has a habit of begging pardon on every occasion. On his circuit, a short time since, his favourite expression was employed in a singular manner. At the close of the assize, as he was about to leave the bench, the officer of the court reminded him that he had not passed sentence on one of the criminals, as he had intended—Dear me! said his lordship, I really beg his pardon—bring him in.
912. Dr. Parr and Lord Erskine are said to have been the vainest men of their time. At dinner, some years since, Dr. Parr, in ecstasy with the conversational powers of Lord E., called out to him, My lord, I mean to write your epitaph. Dr. Parr, replied the noble lawyer, it is a temptation to commit suicide.
913. Gibbon the historian, notwithstanding his shortness and rotundity, was very gallant. One day being alone with Madame de Cronuas, Gibbon wished to seize the favourable moment, and suddenly dropping on his knees, he declared his love in the most passionate terms. Madame de Cronuas replied in a tone to prevent the repetition of such a scene. Gibbon was thunder-struck, but still remained on his knees, though frequently desired to get up and resume his seat. Sir, said Madame de Cronuas, will you have the goodness to rise? Alas, madam, replied the unhappy lover, I cannot—(his size prevented him from rising without assistance)—upon this Madame de Cronuas rang the bell, saying to the servant, Assist Mr. Gibbon up.
914. An Irishman, who served on board a man-of-war in the capacity of a waister, was selected by one of the officers to haul in a tow-line, of considerable length, that was towing over the taffrail. After rowsing-in forty or fifty fathoms, which had put his patience severely to proof, as well as every muscle of his arms, he muttered to himself, By my soul, it’s as long as to-day and to-morrow!—It’s a good week’s work for any five in the ship!—Bad luck to the arm or leg it’ll lave me at last!—What! more of it yet!—Och, murder; the sa’s mighty deep, to be sure! When, after continuing in a similar strain, and conceiving there was little probability of the completion of the labour, he stopped suddenly short, and addressing the officer of the watch, exclaimed, Bad manners to me sir, if I don’t think somebody’s cut off the other end of it!