1050. I prefer the quarto size to the octavo: a quarto lies free and open before one. It is surprising how long the world was pestered with unwieldy folios. A Frenchman was asked if he liked books in folio [in the leaf]. No, says he, I like books in fructu [in the fruit].
1051. Lady Sandon was bribed with a pair of diamond earrings, and procured the donor a good place at court. Though the matter was notoriously known, she was so imprudent as to wear them constantly in public. This being blamed in company, Lady Wortley Montague, like Mrs. Candour, undertook Lady Sandon’s defence. And pray, said she, where is the harm? I, for my part, think Lady Sandon acts wisely—for does not the bush show where the wine is sold?
1052. A Jew and a Christian, both Italians, united their endeavours in a snuff-shop. On Saturday, the sabbath, the Jew did not appear; but on Sunday he supplied the place of the Christian. Some scruples were started to the Jew, but he only answered, Trovata la legge, trovato l’inganno, [When laws were invented, tricks were invented.]
1053. After the French revolution, Lord Orford was particularly delighted with the story of the Tigre National. A man who showed wild beasts in Paris, had a tiger from Bengal, of the largest species, commonly called the Royal Tiger. But when royalty, and everything royal, was abolished, he was afraid of a charge of incivism; and, instead of Tigre Royal, put on his sign-board, Tigre National.
1054. An attorney in France having bought a charge of bailiff for his son, advised him never to work in vain, but to raise contributions on those who wanted his assistance. What, father! said the son in surprise, would you have me sell justice? Why not? answered the father: is so scarce an article to be given for nothing?
1055. A father wished to dissuade his daughter from any thoughts of matrimony. She who marries does well, said he; but she who does not marry does better. Father, answered the girl meekly, I am content with doing well; let her do better who can.
1056. A gentleman, travelling on a journey, having a light guinea which he could not pass, gave it to his Irish servant, and desired him to pass it upon the road. At night he asked him if he had passed the guinea. Yes, sir, replied Teague, but I was forced to be very sly; the people refused it at breakfast and at dinner; so, at a turnpike, where I had fourpence to pay, I whipped it in between two halfpence, and the man put it into his pocket, and never saw it.
1057. A little boy having been much praised for his quickness of reply, a gentleman present observed, that when children were keen in their youth, they were generally stupid and dull when they advanced in years, and vice versâ. What a very sensible boy, sir, must you have been! returned the child.
1058. At an examination for the degree of B.A. in the Senate House, Cambridge, under an examiner whose name was Payne, one of the moral questions was, Give a definition of happiness. To which one of the candidates returned the following laconic answer, An exemption from Payne.