1106. One saw a man and his wife fighting; the people asked him, why he did not part them. He answered, That he was too well bred to part man and wife.
1107. One seeing another wear a threadbare cloak, asked him, whether his cloak was not sleepy? Why do you ask? said his friend. Because, I am sure it has not had a nap this seven years.
1108. A lawsuit being referred to a gentleman, the plaintiff, who had the equity of the cause on his side, presented him with a new carriage, the defendant with a couple of horses. The arbitrator liking the horses better than the coach, gave sentence on the defendant’s side. The plaintiff called on him, and asked how it came to pass the coach went out of the right way? He answered, He could not help it, the horses had drawn it so.
1109. A saucy fellow named Jack, abusing a gentleman whose name was Fisher, the gentleman struck him, for which, being reproved and threatened with an action, he said, Is it not lawful for a Fisher to strike a Jack?
1110. A person had a picture of the Seven Senses stolen out of his house: whereupon he came to a justice and desired that the thieves might be bound to the peace: For what? For stealing my senses. I thought so, said the justice, you talk so idly.
1111. A woman was commending a boy’s face: Give me a man’s, quoth another, a boy’s is not worth a hair.
1112. A gentleman whose name was Stone, falling off his horse, in crossing a river, into deep water, out of which he got not without some danger: his companions laughed at his mischance, and being reproved, answered, That there was no man but would laugh to see a Stone swim.
1113. One being about to write the superscription of a letter to his mistress, asked a scholar what terms were best to give her,—who told him, “the Venus, lass of his affections,” was good; he mistaking, wrote, To the Venice-glass of his affections.
1114. A drunken fellow returning home towards evening, found his wife hard at her spinning; she, reproving him for his ill husbandry, and commending herself for her good housewifery, he told her that she had no great cause to chide, for as she had been spinning at home, he had been reeling abroad.