1115. One that was skilled in writing short-hand promised a lawyer’s clerk to teach him his skill, who thanked him, and said they could not live by making short-hand of anything.
1116. A company of gentlemen in a tavern, amongst the rest, one whose name was Bramble, quarrelled and fell to blows; one of these got his face cut by the said Bramble; upon going home, and being asked the cause of his face bleeding so, No great harm, replied he, only a Bramble by chance scratched me.
1117. A rude overbearing young man was placed by his friends with a proctor, who observing the misbehaviour of the youth, told his parents he feared their son would never make a civil lawyer.
1118. One having a play-book called The Wits, which he valued much, by chance lost it; but while he was chafing and swearing about the loss of his book, in came one of his friends, who asking the cause of his disquiet, was answered, That he had lost his wits.
1119. One wondered why there were so many pickpockets about the streets, notwithstanding a watch was at every corner. It was answered, that was all one, a pickpocket would as gladly meet a watch as anything else.
1120. During the siege of a castle, when the besieged were hard pressed, a lady, one of the defenders, was remarking, that the colours that hung upon one of the towers, were one of her bed-curtains. To which a person replied, Madam, I wish you would set up the little boy, (who stands up over the curtain,) on the top of that tower, that we might see whether he would drive away all those men with his bow and arrows. To which the lady replied, Cupid never raises a siege.
1121. A great eater was once boasting that he was a great wit, saying, The world knew him to be “all wit:” one standing by, that knew him very well, said, Is it possible that you are taken for a wit! if so, your anagram is wit-all.
1122. Two being in a tavern together, one swore the other should pledge him, Why then, quoth the other, I will;—and presently went down stairs and left him for the reckoning.
1123. A drunken fellow passing by a shop asked a ’prentice boy, What their sign was? He answered, it was a sign he was drunk.