1203. Admiral Duncan’s address to the officers who came on board his ship for instructions, previous to the engagement with Admiral de Winter, was both laconic and humorous—Gentlemen, you see a severe Winter approaching; I have only to advise you to keep up a good fire.
1204. Johnson did not like to be over-fondled: when a certain gentleman out-acted his part in this way, he is said to have demanded of him, What provokes your risibility, sir? Have I said anything that you understand? If I have, I ask pardon of the rest of the company.
1205. A lady meeting a girl who had lately left her service, inquired, Well, Mary, where do you live now? Please, Ma’am, I don’t live nowhere now, rejoined the girl, I’m married!
1206. A tobacconist having set up his chariot, in order to anticipate the jokes that might be passed on the occasion, displayed on it the Latin motto of “Quid rides.” Two sailors who had often used his shop, seeing him pass by in his carriage, the one asked the meaning of the inscription, when his companion said it was plain enough, repeating them as two English words, Quid rides.
1207. Two gentlemen passing a blackberry-bush when the fruit was unripe, one said it was ridiculous to call them black berries, when they were red. Don’t you know, said his friend, that blackberries are always red when they are green!
1208. An Athenian, who wanted eloquence, but was very brave, when another had, in a long and brilliant speech, promised great affairs, got up, and said, Men of Athens, all that he has said, I will do.
1209. Louis XII. being at his castle of Plassey, near Tours, went one evening into the kitchen, where he found a boy turning the spit. The lad had something in his countenance which prepossessed the king in his favour, and he demanded who he was. The boy, not knowing the king, replied with simplicity, that his name was Stephen—that he came from Berri—and that he gained as much as the king. How much gains the king? demanded Louis, with some degree of astonishment. His expenses, said the boy, and I gain mine. This answer so much pleased the monarch, that he appointed him one of the valets-de-chambre.
1210. When Pope Clement XIV. (Ganganelli) ascended the papal chair, the ambassadors of the different states waited on him with congratulations: when they were introduced, they bowed, and he returned the compliment by bowing likewise; the master of the ceremonies told his holiness he should not have returned their salute. O, I beg your pardon, said the pontiff, I have not been pope long enough to forget good manners.
1211. It was said of a great calumniator, and a frequenter of other persons’ tables, that he never opened his mouth but at somebody’s expense.
1212. A link-boy asked Dr. Burgess, the preacher, if he would have a light? No, child, said the doctor, I am one of the lights of the world. I wish then, replied the boy, you were hung up at the end of our alley, for we live in a terrible dark one.