1223. A gentleman meeting another upon the high road, riding upon an exceedingly lean horse, and with a great stick by his side, asked the reason why he was so armed: he replied, That it was to defend his person and keep off false knaves. But, sir, said he, in my mind you had better have ridden with a gun. Why so? said the horseman. To keep away the crows, who are waiting to prey upon the carrion you are riding upon.
1224. When Brummell retired to France, he was altogether ignorant of French, and obtained a grammar for the purpose of study. Scrope Davies being asked what progress he had made, replied, That Brummell had been stopped like Bonaparte in Russia, by the elements.
1225. A thatcher being at work upon a cold Christmas Eve, and beating his arms about his ribs to warm himself, a fellow passing by, observed it, and said, You have but cold working there on the edge of the house. ’Tis very true, answered the old man, for I have wrought on a hundred Christmas Eves, and if I said a hundred more, I think I should not be wrong, and yet I vow I never felt such a cold one before.
1226. One going into Smithfield on a market-day, called to a horse-courser aloud, and said, Prithee, friend, how go horses to-day? Marry, as you see—some amble, some trot, some gallop.
1227. A pleasant fellow willing to put off a lame horse, rode him from the Sun Tavern, Cripplegate, to the Sun in Holborn, and the next day offered to sell him in Smithfield; a bidder asking why the horse looked so lean? was answered, It was no marvel, as he rode him yesterday from Sun to Sun, and never drew bit.
1228. One entering of a cold morning into a tavern with his friend, called to the waiter to have a fire quickly made, who brought wet faggots, which were long in kindling, making only a smothering smoke, while the sap fired apace out of the faggots; which observing, he said, I now perceive, and never knew before, from whence the river of Styx was derived.
1229. One meeting a drunkard reeling in the street, bade him stand up like a man; who answered him, That for his own part, he could stand well enough, but he could not make his shoes stand.
1230. A country farmer’s wife in the north, having a nice lad for her son, about seven years old, bid him fetch home the kine from the field, to be milked in the yard; there were six in number. The boy went as bid, and drove home but five. Marry, said his mother, what’s become of the sixth? She is turned down that deep dirty lane where I could not come at her, and I think she is going to the devil. To the devil! said the mother; nay, then stay, Bob, thy father shall go, as he has boots on.
1231. There was a man whose nose leaned more towards one side than the other; a friend disposed to have a laugh with him, said, I know what your nose is not made of, and I know of what it is. First, I can assure you, it is not made of wheat, and secondly, I will be fudged by all the company, if it be not made a-rye.