1261. A country fellow had an idle housewife, who would do nothing but sit before the fire, and suffer everything to go to sixes and sevens; coming one day from his labour, and finding her sitting as customary, lolling by the fire, he took up a stick, and began to cudgel her soundly; at which she cried out, Alas, husband, what do you mean? you see I am doing nothing, I am doing nothing. That is the very reason why I am beating you, said he.
1262. A person who had a great shrew for his wife, in one of the quarrels, got so enraged, that he could not contain himself, but snatched up a flagon that happened to be near, and gave her a very deep wound on her head, the cost of curing which was very considerable. This woman sitting at another time among her gossips, said openly, My husband does not dare to break my head any more, he paid so dearly for the last cure. This being told to the husband, he sent for the apothecary and surgeon, and, calling for his wife, when they arrived, he paid each of them their bill, and also gave them money in advance, in earnest of the next cure she might require. We need not say, the husband was not further annoyed.
1263. An Irishman said to his companions on Christmas Eve, he did not mean to have a plum-pudding for dinner next day. Why so? asked they. Och, I have raisons for it. Then you did intend it, since you have got the raisins.
1264. A gentleman passing in dirty weather through a street in which the pavement had been broken up, got bespattered with mud—on looking about him in his distress, he saw written up on a board, “No thorough-fare”—Egad, said he, they may well say that; for I have proved it thorough foul.
1265. A distinguished gentleman, whose nose and chin are both very long, and who has lost his teeth, whereby the nose and chin are brought very close together, was told, I am afraid your nose and chin will fight before long, they approach each other so very menacingly. I was afraid of it myself, replied the gentleman, for a good many words have passed between them already.
1266. A servant, near Limerick, at the time that everybody was required to deliver in their arms, wrote to his master at Dublin, that he had secured the fire arms, having sent all the pokers and tongs to the barracks.
1267. A young lady at the Exhibition at the Suffolk Street Gallery, looking at a subject of still life,—plates, dishes, &c., asked the gentleman who accompanied her, to look in the catalogue and see what it was; he replied, A study. Why, goodness, said she, I took it for a kitchen!
1268. A fine ship was lately launched, at which Sir Henry Tempest attended. A wag observed, What a pity it is, that a tempest should accompany such a launch.
1269. On the expulsion of Mr. Jones from the Irish House of Commons, a punning wag remarked, that this was not In-I-go Jones—but Out-I-go Jones.
1270. Of a person as remarkable for his irregularity as for his musical talents, it was aptly remarked, that the whole tenor of his conduct was thorough base.