105. The late Sir Godfrey Kneller had always a great contempt, I will not pretend to say how justly, for Jervis the painter; and being one day about twenty miles from London, one of his servants told him at dinner, that there was Mr. Jervis come that day into the same town with a coach and four. Ay, said Sir Godfrey, but if his horses draw no better than himself, they will never carry him to town again.
106. A gentleman asked Nanny Rochford why the Whigs, in their mourning for Queen Anne, all wore silk stockings? Because, says she, the Tories were worsted.
107. A counsellor pleading at the bar with spectacles on, who was blind with one eye, said he would produce nothing but what was ad rem. Then, said one of the adverse party, you must take out one glass of your spectacles, which I am sure is of no use.
108. The famous Tom Thynne, who was very remarkable for his good housekeeping and hospitality, standing one day at his gate in the country, a beggar coming up to him cried, He begged his worship would give him a mug of his small beer. Why, how now, said he, what times are these, when beggars must be choosers! I say, bring this fellow a mug of strong beer.
109. It was said of a person, who always ate at other people’s tables, and was a great railer, that he never opened his mouth but to somebody’s cost.
110. Pope Sixtus Quintus, who was a poor man’s son, and his father’s house ill thatched, so that the sun came in at many places of it, would himself make a jest of his birth, and say, That he was nato di casa illustre.
111. Diogenes begging, as was the custom among many philosophers, asked a prodigal man for more than any one else; whereupon one said to him, I see your business, that when you find a liberal mind, you will make the most of him. No, said Diogenes, but I mean to beg of the rest again.
112. Dr. Sewel, and two or three more gentlemen, walking towards Hampstead on a summer’s day, were met by the famous Daniel Purcell, who was very importunate with them to know upon what account they were going there. The doctor merrily answering him, To make hay. Very well, replied the other, you will be there at a very convenient season, the country wants rakes.
113. A gentleman speaking of his servant said, I believe I command more than any man; for before my servant will obey me in one thing, I must command him ten times over.
114. A poor fellow who was carrying to execution, had a reprieve just as he came to the gallows, and was carried back by a sheriff’s officer, who told him he was a happy fellow, and asked him if he knew nothing of the reprieve beforehand? No, replied the fellow, nor thought any more of it than I did of my dying day.