320. A young man married to an ill-tempered woman, who, not contented, though he was very kind to her, made continual complaints to her father, to the great grief of both families; the husband being no longer able to endure this strange humour, beat her soundly. Hereupon she complained to her father, who understanding well the perverseness of her humour, took her to task, and laced her soundly too; saying, Go, and commend me to your husband, and tell him, I am now even with him, for I have cudgelled his wife, as he hath beaten my daughter.
321. A fellow hearing one say, according to the Italian proverb, That three women make a market with their chattering; Nay, then, said he, add my wife to them, and they will make a fair.
322. A scholar, in College Hall, declaiming, having a bad memory, was at a stand; whereupon in a low voice, he desired one that stood close by, to help him out: No, said the other, methinks you are out enough already.
323. A gentleman riding near the forest of Which-wood, in Oxfordshire, asked a fellow, What that wood was called; he said, Which-wood, sir: Why that wood, said the gentleman. Which-wood, sir: Why that wood, I tell thee;—he still said Which-wood. I think, said the gentleman, thou art as senseless as the wood that grows there. It may be so, replied the other, but you know not Which-wood.
324. A physician was wont to say, when he met a friend, I am glad to see you well. In troth, sir, said one, I think you do but dissemble, for the world always goes ill with you, when it goes well with your friends.
325. A gentleman falling to decay, shifted where he could; among the rest, he visited an old acquaintance, and stayed with him seven or eight days, in which time the man began to be weary of his guest, and to be rid of him, feigned a falling out with his wife, by which means their fare was very slender. The gentleman perceiving their drift, but not knowing whither to go to better himself, told them, He had been there seven days, and had not seen any falling out betwixt them before; and that he was resolved to stay seven weeks longer, but he would see them friends again.
326. A gentleman who loved everything that was foreign, and was extremely fond of hard names, dining at a friend’s house, asked him, What the name of the wine was, of which he had just drank a glass at table; his friend, knowing that it was but indifferent, and recollecting that he had bought it at the Stocks Market, told him, it was the true Stoko Marketto; upon which he found the wine excellent, and gave it great encomiums.
327. A knavish attorney asking a very worthy gentleman, what was honesty? What is that to you? said he; meddle with those things that concern you.
328. A simple bumpkin, coming to London, was very much taken with the sight of a chair, or sedan, and bargained with the chairmen to carry him to a place he named. The chairmen, observing the curiosity of the clown to be suitable to the meanness of his habit, privately took out the bottom of the chair, and then put him into it, which when they took up, the countryman’s feet were upon the ground, and as the chairmen advanced, so did he; and to make the better sport, if any place was dirtier in the way than the rest, that they chose to go through; the countryman not knowing but others used to be carried, or rather driven in the same manner, coming to his lodgings, gave them their demand. Returning into the country, he related what rare things he had seen in London, and withal, that he been conveyed in a sedan: Sedan, quoth one, what is that? Why, said he, like our watch-house, only it is covered with leather; but were it not for the name of a sedan, a man might as well walk on foot.