753. Sir Charles F—— received a severe injury one day in stepping into his cabriolet. Whereabouts were you hurt, Sir Charles? said Sir Peter L——; was it near the vertebræ? No, no, answered the baronet, it was near the Monument.
754. Fletcher, of Saltoun, is well known to have possessed a most irritable temper. His footman desiring to be dismissed, Why do you leave me? said he. Because, to speak the truth, I cannot bear your temper. To be sure, I am passionate, but my passion is no sooner on than it is off. Yes, replied the servant, but it is no sooner off than it is on.
755. King James I. mounting a horse that was unruly, cried, The de’el tak’ your saul, sirrah, an ye be na quiet, I’ll send ye to the five hundred kings in the House o’ Commons: they’ll sune tame ye.
756. You are a Jew, said one man to another; when I bought this pig of you it was to be a guinea, and now you demand five-and-twenty shillings, which is more than you asked. For that very reason, replied the other, I am no Jew, for a Jew always takes less than he asks.
757. The celebrated Hogarth was one of the most absent of men. Soon after he set up his carriage, he had occasion to pay a visit to the lord mayor. When he went the weather was fine; but he was detained by business till a violent shower of rain came on. Being let out of the mansion-house by a different door from that at which he had entered, he immediately began to call for a hackney-coach. Not one could be procured; on which Hogarth sallied forth to brave the storm, and actually reached his house in Leicester Fields without bestowing a thought on his own carriage, till Mrs. Hogarth, astonished to see him so wet and hurried, asked him where he had left it.
758. At a city feast one of the company was expatiating on the blessings of Providence. Ay, said the late Sir William Curtis, smacking his lips, it is a blessed place, sure enough; we get all our turtle from it.
759. When Cortez returned to Spain, he was coolly received by the emperor, Charles the Fifth. One day he suddenly presented himself to that monarch. Who are you? said the emperor, haughtily. The man, said Cortez, as haughtily, who has given you more provinces than your ancestors left you cities.
760. Bautru, a celebrated French wit, being in Spain, went to visit the famous library of the Escurial, where he found a very ignorant librarian. The king of Spain interrogated him respecting the library. ’Tis an admirable one, indeed, said he; but your majesty should give the man who has the care of it, the administration of your finances. Wherefore? asked the king. Because, replied Bautru, the man never touches the treasure that is confided to him.
761. Mademoiselle, said Louis XV. to a young lady belonging to his court, I am assured that you are very learned, and understand four or five continental tongues. I speak only two, sire, answered she, trembling. Which are they? German and Italian. Do you speak them fluently? Yes, sire, very fluently. Well, two are quite enough to drive a husband mad.