780. A surgeon aboard a ship of war used to prescribe salt water for his patients in all disorders. Having sailed one evening, on a party of pleasure, he happened, by some mischance, to be drowned. The captain, who had not heard of the disaster, asked one of the tars next day if he had heard anything of the doctor. Yes, answered Jack, after a turn of his quid, he was drowned last night in his medicine chest.
781. The celebrated Daniel Burgess, dining with a gentleman of his congregation, a large Cheshire cheese, uncut, was brought to table. Where shall I cut it? asked Daniel. Anywhere you please, Mr. Burgess, answered the gentleman. Upon which Daniel handed it to the servant, desiring him to carry it to his house, and he would cut it at home.
782. How does your new purchased horse answer? said the late Duke of Cumberland to George Selwyn. I really don’t know, replied George, for I never asked him a question.
783. A young fellow once came dancing, whistling, and singing into a room where old Colley Cibber sat coughing and spitting; and, cutting a caper, triumphantly exclaimed, There, you old put, what would you give to be as young as I am? Why, young man, replied he, I would agree to be almost as foolish.
784. A recruiting serjeant addressing an honest country bumpkin in one of the streets in Manchester, with Come my lad, thou’lt fight for thy king, won’t thou? Voight for my king, answered Hodge, why, has he fawn out wi’ ony body?
785. After a battle lately between two celebrated pugilists, an Irishman made his way to the chaise, where the one who had lost the battle had been conveyed, and said to him, How are you, my good fellow? can you see at all with the eye that’s knocked out?
786. Two dinner-hunters meeting at Pall Mall a short time back, one inquired of the other how he had been for some days? He replied, In a very poor way indeed. I have not been able to eat anything at all. God bless me! said his hungry friend, that is extremely strange, you generally have a very good appetite, you must have been seriously ill. Oh! not at all, believe me, you misconceive my meaning; I could have eaten, but the reason why I have not been able to do so is, that no one has invited me to dinner.
787. Mr. Curran was once asked, what an Irish gentleman, just arrived in England, could mean by perpetually putting out his tongue? I suppose, replied the wit, he’s trying to catch the English accent.
788. Have you anything else old? said an English lady at Rome, to a boy of whom she had bought some modern antiques; Yes, said the young urchin, thrusting forward his hat, which had seen some dozen summers, my hat is very old. The lady rewarded his wit.
789. The late celebrated penurious H. Jennings, esq., who was reputed to be the richest commoner in England, when at the age of 92, was applied to by one of his tenants, then in the 80th year of his age, to renew his lease for a further term of 14 years, when, after some general observations, Mr. Jennings coolly said, Take a lease for 21 years, or you will be troubling me again!