790. Sancho, said a dying planter to his slave, for your faithful services, I mean now to do you an honour; and leave it in my will, that you shall be buried in our family ground. Ah, massa! replied Sancho, Sancho no good to be buried; Sancho rather have de money or de freedom; besides, if de devil should come in de dark to look for massa, he might mistake, and take de poor negar man.
791. Two gentlemen, the other day, conversing together, one asked the other, if ever he had gone through Euclid. The reply was, I have never been farther from Liverpool than Runcon, and I don’t recollect any place of that name.
792. Lady Rachel is put to bed, said Sir Boyle to a friend. What has she got? Guess. A boy? No; guess again. A girl? Who told you?
793. The wife of a Scotch laird being suddenly taken very ill, the husband ordered the servant to get a horse ready to go to the next town to the doctor; by the time, however, the horse was ready, and his letter to the doctor written, the lady recovered, on which he added the following postcript, and sent off the messenger: My wife being recovered, you need not come.
794. In a company, consisting of naval officers, the discourse happened to turn on the ferocity of small animals; when an Irish gentleman present stated his opinion to be, that a Kilkenny cat, of all animals, was the most ferocious; and added, I can prove my assertion by a fact within my own knowledge: I once, said he, saw two of these animals fighting in a timber yard, and willing to see the result of a long battle, I drove them into a deep saw-pit, and placing some boards over the mouth, left them to their amusement. Next morning I went to see the conclusion of the fight, and what d’ye think I saw? One of the cats dead probably, replied one of the company. No, by St. Patrick, there was nothing left in the pit but the two tails, and a bit of flue.
795. Dr. Wall, at a public dinner, was playing with a cork upon the table. What a dirty hand Dr. W. has, said Mr. E. I will bet you a bottle there is a dirtier in company, said the doctor, who had overheard. Done. Upon which he produced his other hand, and won the wager.
796. Dr. Ratcliffe being in a tavern one evening, a gentleman entered in great haste, almost speechless: Doctor, my wife is at the point of death, make haste, come with me. Not till I have finished my bottle, however, replied the doctor. The man, who happened to be a fine athletic fellow, finding entreaty useless, snatched up the doctor, hoisted him on his back, and carried him out of the tavern; the moment he set the doctor upon his legs, he received from him, in a very emphatic manner, the following threat: Now, you rascal, I’ll cure your wife in spite of you.
797. A little girl, who knew very well the painful anxiety which her mother had long suffered, during a tedious course of litigation, hearing that she had at last lost her law-suit, innocently cried out, O, my dear mama! how glad I am that you have lost that nasty law-suit, which used to give you so much trouble and uneasiness.
798. A gentleman, who possessed a small estate in Gloucestershire, was allured to town by the promises of a courtier, who kept him in constant attendance for a long while to no purpose; at last the gentleman, quite tired out, called upon his pretended friend, and told him that he had at last got a place. The courtier shook him very heartily by the hand, and said he was very much rejoiced at the event: But pray, sir, said he, where is your place? In the Gloucester coach, replied the other; I secured it last night; and so good-bye to you.