818. When Kleber was in Egypt, he sustained, during five hours, with only two thousand men, the united efforts of twenty thousand. He was nearly surrounded, was wounded, and had only a narrow defile by which to escape. In this extremity, he called to him a chef de bataillon, named Chevardin, for whom he had a particular regard. Take, said he to him, a company of grenadiers, and stop the enemy at the ravine. You will be killed, but you will save your comrades. Yes, general, replied Chevardin. He gave his watch and his pocket-book to his servant, executed the order, and his death, in fact, arrested the enemy, and saved the French.
819. An Irish gentleman was relating in company that he saw a terrible wind the other night. Saw a wind! said another, I never heard of a wind being seen! But, pray, what was it like? Like to have blown my house about my ears, replied the first.
820. Dr. O’Connor, in his History of Poland, says that the Irish are long-lived; that some of them attain to the age of a hundred: in short, adds the doctor, they live as long as they can.
821. An Irish labourer bought a pair of shoes, and at the same time asked the shoemaker, if he could tell him what would prevent them going down on the sides? The shoemaker said, The only way to prevent that was to change them every morning. Pat accordingly returned the following morning, called for a pair of shoes, fitted them on, left the pair he bought the day before, and was walking out of the shop without further notice, when the shoemaker called to him to know what he was doing, telling him at the same time, that he had forgotten to pay for the shoes he had just bought. And is it what am I doing, you ask? Am not I doing what you told me yesterday, changing my shoes every morning?
822. Notwithstanding the perpetual contention between Rich and Garrick for the favour of the town, they lived upon very friendly terms. Rich had improved his house at Covent Garden, and made it capable of holding more. Garrick went with him to see it, and asked him in the theatrical phrase, How much money it would hold? Sir, said Rich, that question I am at present unable to answer, but were you to appear but one night on my stage, I should be able to tell you to the utmost shilling.
823. Sir William Curtis lately sat near a gentleman at a civic dinner, who alluded to the excellence of the knives, adding, that articles manufactured from Cast steel were of a very superior quality, such as razors, forks, &c. Aye, replied the facetious baronet, and soap too—there’s no soap like Castile soap.
824. A miller, who attempted to be witty at the expense of a youth of weak intellects, accosted him with, John, people say that you are a fool. To this, John replied, I don’t know that I am, sir; I know some things, sir, and some things I don’t know, sir. Well, John, what do you know? I know that millers always have fat hogs, sir. And what don’t you know? I don’t know whose corn they eat, sir.
825. When Dr. Ehrenberg (the Prussian traveller) was in Egypt, he said to a peasant, I suppose you are quite happy now; the country looks like a garden, and every village has its minaret. God is great! replied the peasant; our master gives with one hand and takes with two.
826. Frank Hayman was a dull dog. When he buried his wife, a friend asked him why he expended so much money on her funeral? Ah, sir, replied he, she would have done as much, or more, for me, with pleasure.