808. The town of Chartres was besieged by Henry IV., and at last capitulated. The magistrate of the town, on giving up his keys, addressed his majesty:—This town belongs to your highness by divine law, and by human law. And by cannon law, too, added Henry.
809. The Marquis St. André applied to Louvois, the war-minister of Louis XIV., for a small place then vacant. Louvois having received some complaints against the marquis, refused to comply. The nobleman, somewhat nettled, rather hastily said, If I were to enter again into the service, I know what I would do. And pray what would you do? inquired the minister in a furious tone. St. André recollected himself, and had the presence of mind to say, I would take care to behave in such a manner, that your excellency should have nothing to reproach me with. Louvois, agreeably surprised at this reply, immediately granted his request.
810. An Irish soldier, who came over with General Moore, being asked if he met with much hospitality in Holland? O yes, replied he, too much: I was in the hospital almost all the time I was there.
811. Henry IV. having bestowed the cordon bleu on a nobleman, at the solicitation of the Duke de Nevers, when the collar was put on, the nobleman made the customary speech, Sire, I am not worthy. I know it well, said the king, but I give you the order to please my cousin De Nevers.
812. Dr. A., physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, he dwelt so long on the sexton’s misconduct, as to raise his choler so as to draw from him this expression:—Sir, I was in hopes you would have treated my failings with more gentleness, or that you would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as I have covered so many blunders of yours!
813. When I have a cold in my head, said a gentleman in company, I am always remarkably dull and stupid. You are much to be pitied, then, sir, replied another, for I don’t remember ever to have seen you without.
814. A prisoner, at the bar of the Mayor’s Court, being called on to plead to an indictment for larceny, was told by the clerk to hold up his right hand. The man immediately held up his left hand. Hold up your right hand, said the clerk. Please your honour, said the culprit, still keeping up his left hand, I am left-handed.
815. In a large party, one evening, the conversation turned upon young men’s allowance at College. Tom Sheridan lamented the ill-judging parsimony of many parents, in that respect. I am sure, Tom, said his father, you need not complain; I always allowed you eight hundred a year. Yes, father, I must confess you allowed it; but then it was never paid.
816. When Dr. Parr’s preface to Bellendenus was the theme of general admiration, Horne Tooke said of it, rather contemptuously, It consists of mere scraps; alluding to the frequent use of the Ciceronean language. This sarcasm was mentioned to Parr, who afterwards meeting Tooke, said to him, So, Mr. Tooke, you think my Preface mere scraps? True, replied Tooke, with inimitable readiness, but you know, my dear Doctor, scraps are often tit-bits.
817. An old woman received a letter from the post-office, at New York. Not knowing how to read, and being anxious to know the contents, supposing it to be from one of her absent sons, she called on a person near to read the letter to her. He accordingly began and read: Charleston, June 23, 1826. Dear mother,—then making a stop to find out what followed (as the writing was rather bad), the old lady exclaimed—Oh, ’tis my poor Jerry, he always stuttered!