Affectation
An assuming, pedantic lady, boasting of the many books which she had read, often quoted 'Locke Upon Understanding,' a work she said she admired above all things, yet there was one word in it which, though often repeated, she could not distinctly make out; and that was the word ide-a (pronouncing it very long): "but I suppose it comes from a Greek derivation."
"You are perfectly right, madam," said Foote, "it comes from the word ideaousky."
"And pray, sir, what does that mean?"
"The feminine of idiot, madam."
Arithmetical Criticism
A mercantile man of his acquaintance, who would read a poem of his to him one day after dinner, pompously began:—
"Hear me, O Phœbus! and ye Muses nine!
Pray be attentive."
"I am," said Foote. "Nine and one are ten: go on."