An old Cornish woman who had never before traveled by rail went to a country station to catch a train. She sat herself down on a seat in the station, and after sitting there for about two hours, the station-master came up to her and asked where she was going. On her telling him, he said:
"Why, my good woman, the train has just gone, and there isn't another for a long time!"
"Why, lor'!" says the old lady, "I thought the whole consarn moved!"
"What good," asked the angry would-be passenger, "are the figures set down in these railway time-tables?"
"Why," patiently explained the genial agent, "if it weren't for them figures we'd have no way of findin' out how late the train is."
The American in the first-class carriage of an English train insisted on smoking. An angry Englishman protested, and when about to appeal to the guard the American got ahead of him with the remark: "Guard, I think you will find that that gentleman is traveling with a third-class ticket on him."
It proved to be true, and the sputtering Britisher was put out.
A spectator of the incident asked the American how he knew about the ticket.