"You go to hell—my railroad is as WIDE as yours".
He received the Illinois Central pass by return mail.
"Conductor!" shouted a passenger on the back-country train.
"That was my station, sir! Why didn't you stop?"
"We don't stop there any longer," said the conductor. "You see, the engineer is mad with the station agent!"
"Now will this train reach its destination on time?"
"We hope so, but we don't guarantee it."
"You mean you sell me a ticket to get to a certain place by a certain time and then you give me no assurance I'll be there at that time?"