I wouldn't even wash
I'd set and set a thousand years
And rest myself—By Gosh!
RESTAURANTS
A gentleman from the rural districts of Missouri recently made his first visit to New York. Shortly after his arrival he went into a restaurant and ordered what seemed to him like a rather meager meal. When the bill was presented it totaled $8.35. The Missourian looked at the amount twice to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him. Then he smiled. "Waiter," he called, "you've made a mistake. I've got more money than that!"
GUEST—"Look here! How long must I wait for the half-portion of duck I ordered?"
WAITER—"Till somebody orders the other half. We can't go out and kill half a duck."