"Tut! tut!" said Mr. Webster, "sue me all you wish, but for heaven's sake don't try to starve me to death!"
"My doctor told me I would have to quit eating so much meat."
"Did you laugh him to scorn?'"
"I did at first; but when he sent in his bill, I found he was right."
TOMMY—"Why do the ducks dive?"
HARP—"Guess they must want to liquidate their bills."
Bill Sprague kept a general store at Croyden Four Corners. One day he set off for New York to buy a lot of goods. The goods were shipped immediately; and as Bill had lingered in New York sightseeing, they reached Croyden Four Corners before him. The goods in an enormous packing-case were driven to the general store by the local teamster. Mrs. Sprague came out to see what had arrived and, with a shriek, tottered and fell.