"He says he did; but I notice that the parrot has learned to swear during my absence."
"My husband has had indigestion for the past month."
"Really! I'm so sorry! I had no idea you were without a cook."
OFFICER—"Is that soup ready, Jones?"
OFFICER'S SERVANT—"No, sir, the stove went out, sir."
OFFICER—"Went out! Then why don't you light it again?"
OFFICER'S SERVANT—"'Cos it went out by the roof, sir."