A Massachusetts Senator was back home, looking after his political fences, and was asking the minister about some of his old acquaintances.
"How's old Mr. Jones?" he inquired. "Will I be likely to see him again?"
"You'll never see Mr. Jones again," said the minister. "Mr Jones has gone to heaven."
"Now, boys," said the teacher in the juvenile Sunday-school class, "our lesson today teaches us that if we are good while here on earth, when we die we will go to a place of everlasting bliss. But suppose we are bad, then what will become of us?"
"We'll go to a place of everlasting blister," promptly answered the small boy at the pedal extremity of the class.
"I wish, reverend father," said Curran to Father O'Leary, "that you were St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me in."
"By my honor and conscience," replied O'Leary, "it would be better for you that I had the keys of the other place, for then I could let you out."