A well-known admiral—a stickler for uniform—stopped opposite a very portly sailor whose medal-ribbon was an inch or so too low down. Fixing the man with his eye, the admiral asked: "Did you get that medal for eating, my man?"
On the man replying "No, sir," the admiral rapped out: "Then why the deuce do you wear it on your stomach?"
MEDICAL ETHICS
Not so very long ago a certain attorney was quite ill. A doctor was summoned, but directly he arrived and got one look at his patient he said, "Sorry, but you'll have to call another doctor."
"Am I as sick as all that?" gasped the attorney.
"No, but you're the lawyer that cross-examined me when I was called to give expert testimony in a certain case. Now my conscience won't permit me to kill you, but I'm darned if I care to cure you. Good day."
MEDICINE
DOCTOR—"What? Troubled with sleeplessness? Eat something before going to bed."