MISTRESS (to butler)—"Why is it, John, every time I come home I find you sleeping?"
"Well, ma'am, it's this way: I don't like to be a-doing nothing."
LAZY MIKE—"I have a new position with the railroad company."
WEARY RHODES—"What ja gona do?"
LAZY MIKE—"You know the fellow that goes alongside the train and taps the axles to see if everything's all right? Well, I help him listen."
OCEAN TRAVEL
"Terribly rough, isn't it?" said the stranger on the ocean liner.
"Wal," replied the man from the farm, "'twouldn't be so rough if the cap'n would only keep in the furrows!"