Uncle Mose aspired to the elective office of justice of the peace in the "black bottom" part of town. One bar there was to his preferment: he could neither read nor write. His master advised him to go to the commissioner of elections and ask whether he was eligible. Mose went and returned.
"What did he tell you, Mose?" inquired the master.
"It's all right, sah," answered Mose; "dat gen'lemun suttinly was kind, yas, suh. He tole me Ah was illegible fo' dat office."
OFFICERS
OFFICER—"I ketched this here mut pinchin' bananas off a fruit-stand."
MAGISTRATE—"Aha! 'personating an officer! Two years."—Life.
COMMANDER—"What's his character apart from this leave-breaking?"
PETTY OFFICER—"Well, sir, this man 'e goes ashore when 'e likes; 'e comes off when 'e likes; 'e uses 'orrible language when 'e's spoken to; in fact, from 'is general be'avior, 'e might be a orficer!"—Punch.