Music on the Waters.
Parker. "Beg pardon, my lady, but the band can't play the selection your ladyship asked for."
Her Ladyship (astonished). "But it's in their programme!"
Parker. "Yes, my lady, but they can't play it till we get into still water, and then they'll try!"
The Comforter.
"I say, old man, I've just been down in the saloon, and they give you the finest half-crown lunch I've ever struck!"