HIS APOLOGY
There was an old judge in Pennsylvania whose decisions, in consequence of numerous reversals, did not always command universal respect. One day in a case on which he was sitting, one of the lawyers lost patience at his inability to see things in a certain light and, in the heat of the moment, remarked that the intellect of the Court was so dark that a flash of lightning could not penetrate it. For this contempt, the judge demanded a public apology. The following day the lawyer accordingly appeared before his honor and made amends by saying:
"I regret very much that I said the intellect of the Court was so dark lightning could not penetrate it. I guess it could. It is a very penetrating thing."
ALWAYS WANTED THE BEST
An old German couple, living in a quiet town, had met slight financial reverses which caused the wife considerable worriment, while her better half was inclined to take the matter philosophically and make the best of the situation. In the course of her complaints, she one day said:
"Ach! I vish I vas dead."
"I don't," said her husband. "I vish I vas in a beer saloon."
"Dot's it! Dot's it!" replied the spouse. "Dot's chust like you. You always vants de best."
ACCORDING TO WEIGHT
The scene was a crowded street car. The car stopped and a very thin man started to work his way out. He had great difficulty in squeezing through a space between two very stout men and at last got angry.