"And every package that comes for my papa is marked M.D.," retorted the daughter of the physician.
Then followed a look of contempt from the youngest of the party. "Hugh," she exclaimed, "every package that comes to our house is marked C.O.D."
ON THE WITNESS STAND
Thomas Barry, a Boston lawyer, was recently examining an Irish witness in a municipal court in a suit having to do with an accident on the street cars. Here is a fragment of the information elicited by the lawyer's advice that the witness give an account of the disaster in his own words.
"Well, the man fell in th' str-reet as' the car-r passed; thin th' car-r stopped, an' we all ran out. The cr-rowd gathered ar-round th' man and shouted: 'He's kilt; he's kilt!' Thin Oi jumped in, pulled a dozen of the spalpeens out uv th' way and yells at 'em: 'Yez thick-heads, yez! If the man's kilt why in Hivvin's name don't yez stand to one side and let him have a br-reath of air-r."
DEFECTIVE EDUCATION
A well-known citizen of Baltimore was recently spending a few days with his wife at Atlantic City. When he seated himself in the dining-room on the evening of his arrival he discovered that he could not read the menu, as he had left his glasses in his room. His wife was in the same predicament, so calling a waiter he said:
"Read that to me and I will give you half a dollar."
Quick as a flash the waiter replied:
"'Scuse me, boss, but I ain't had much ejication maself!"