UNAVOIDABLE LAUGHTER
"Mary," said a lady to her cook, "I must insist that you keep better hours and that you have less company in the kitchen at night. Last night you kept me from sleeping because of the uproarious laughter of one of your women friends."
"Yis, mum, I know," was the reply; "but she couldn't help it. I was tellin' her how you tried to make cake one day."
SHE WAS EXCUSED
One evening as the mother of a little niece of Phillips Brooks was tucking her snugly into bed, the maid stepped in and said there was a caller waiting in the parlor. The mother told the child to say her prayers and promised that she would be back in a few minutes. The caller remained only a short time and when the mother went up-stairs again, she asked the little girl if she had done as she was bidden.
"Yes, mamma, I did and I didn't," she said.
"What do you mean by that, dear?"
"Well, mamma, I was awfully sleepy so I just asked God if He wouldn't excuse me to-night and He said, 'Oh, don't mention it, Miss Brooks.'"
A WRONG TRANSLATION
Senator Quay was fond of telling a story of an experience of his in a country hotel near Pittsburg.