THE TAILOR AND THE LADY AND THE CAPTAIN.[[364]]
It is related that a Tailor was sitting in his shop facing a tall house tenanted by a Yúzbáshi, and this man had a wife who was unique for beauty and loveliness. Now one day of the days as she looked out at the latticed window the Snip espied her and was distraught by her comeliness and seemlihead. So he became engrossed by love of her and remained all day a-gazing at the casement disturbed and perturbed, and as often as she approached the window and peered out therefrom, he would stare at her and say to her, “O my lady and O core of my heart, good morning to thee; and do thou have mercy upon one sore affected by his affection to thee; one whose eyes sleep not by night for thy fair sake.” “This pimp be Jinn-mad!” quoth the Captain’s wife, “and as often as I look out at the window he dareth bespeak me: haply the folk shall say:—Indeed she must needs be his mistress.” But the Tailor persevered in this proceeding for a while of days until the lady was offended thereby and said in her mind, “Walláhi, there is no help but that I devise for him a device which shall make unlawful to him this his staring and casting sheep’s eyes at my casement; nay more, I will work for ousting him from his shop.” So one day of the days when the Yuzbashi went from home, his wife arose and adorned and beautified herself, and donning the bestest of what dresses and decorations she had, despatched one of her slave-girls to the Tailor instructing her to say to him:—“My lady salameth to thee and biddeth thee come and drink coffee with her.” The handmaiden went to his shop and delivered the message; and he, when hearing these words,[[365]] waxed bewildered of wits and rose up quivering in his clothes;——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Tailor heard the girl’s words, he quivered in his clothes; but indeed he recked not aught of the wiles of womankind. So after padlocking his shop he went with her to the house and walked upstairs, where he was met by the lady with a face like the rondure of the moon and she greeted him right merrily, and taking him by the hand led him to a well-mattressed Divan and bade her slave-girl serve him with coffee, and as he drank it she sat facing him. Presently the twain fell to conversing, she and he; and she soothed him with sweet speech, whilst he went clean out of his mind for the excess of her beauty and loveliness. This lasted until near midday, when she bade serve the dinner-trays, and took seat in front of him, and he began picking up morsels[[366]] designed for his lips and teeth, but in lieu thereof thrust them into his eye. She laughed at him, but hardly had he swallowed the second mouthful and the third when behold, the door was knocked, whereupon she looked out from the casement and cried, “Oh my honour! this is my husband.” Hereat the man’s hands and knees began to quake, and he said to her, “Whither shall I wend?” Said she, “Go into this closet,” and forthright she thrust him into a cabinet and shot the bolt upon him and taking the key she tare out one of its teeth[[367]] and put it in her pocket. After this she went down and opened the door to her husband who walked upstairs; and finding the dinner trays bespread, asked her, “What is this?” She answered, “I and my lover have been dining together.” “And what may be thy lover?” “Here he is.”[[368]] “Where may he be?” to which she replied, “He is inside this closet.” Now as soon as the Tailor heard her say this say, he piddled in his bag-breeches and befouled himself and he was in a filthy state with skite and piss.[[369]] Hereupon the Captain asked, “And where’s the key?” and she answered, “Here it is with me.”[[370]] “Bring it out,” said he, so she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him. The Captain took the key from his spouse and applying it to the wooden bolt of the cabinet rattled it to and fro[[371]] but it would not open; so the wife came up to him and cried, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, what wilt thou do with my playmate?” Said he, “I will slay him!” and said she, “No, ’tis my opinion that thou hadst better pinion him and bind him as if crucified to the pillar in the court floor and then smite him with thy sword upon the neck and cut off his head; for I, during my born days, never saw a criminal put to death and now ’tis my desire to sight one done to die.” “Sooth is thy speech,” quoth he: so he took the key and fitting it into the wooden bolt would have drawn it back, but it could not move because a tooth had been drawn therefrom and the while he was rattling at the bolt his wife said to him, “O my lord, ’tis my desire that thou lop off his hands and his feet until he shall become marked by his maims;[[372]] and after do thou smite his neck.” “A sensible speech,” cried the husband and during the whole time her mate was striving to pull the bolt she kept saying to him, “Do this and do that with the fellow,” and he ceased not saying to her, “’Tis well.” All this and the Tailor sat hearkening to their words and melting in his skin; but at last the wife burst out laughing until she fell upon her back and her husband asked her, “Whereat this merriment?” Answered she, “I make mock of thee for that thou art wanting in wits and wisdom.” Quoth he, “Wherefore?” and quoth she, “O my lord, had I a lover and had he been with me should I have told aught of him to thee? Nay; I said in my mind:—Do such and such with the Captain and let’s see whether he will believe or disbelieve. Now when I spake thou didst credit me and it became apparent to me that thou art wanting in wits.” Cried he to her, “Allah disappoint thee! Dost thou make jibe and jape of me? I also said in my thoughts:—How can a man be with her and she speak of him in the face of me?” So he arose and took seat with her, the twain close together, at the dinner-tray and she fell to morselling him and he to morselling her, and they laughed and ate until they had their sufficiency and were filled; then they washed their hands and drank coffee. After this they were cheered and they toyed together and played the two-backed beast until their pleasure was fulfilled and this was about mid-afternoon——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night, and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Yuzbashi fell to toying with his wife, and thrusting and foining at her cleft[[373]], her solution of continuity, and she wriggled to and fro to him, and bucked up and down, after which he tumbled her and both were in gloria.[[374]] This lasted until near mid-afternoon when he arose and went forth to the Hammam. But as soon as he left the house she opened the cabinet and brought out the Tailor, saying, “Hast thou seen what awaiteth thee, O pander, O impure? Now, by Allah, an thou continue staring at the windows or durst bespeak me with one single word it shall be the death of thee. This time I have set thee free, but a second time I will work to the wasting of thy heart’s blood.” Cried he, “I will do so no more; no, never!” Thereupon said she to her slave-girl, “O handmaid, open to him the door;” and she did so, and he fared forth (and he foully bewrayed as to his nether garments) until he had returned to his shop. Now when the Emir heard the tale of the Kazi, he rejoiced thereat and said to him, “Up and gang thy gait!” so the Judge went off garbed in his gaberdine and bonnet. Then said the house-master to his wife, “This be one of the four, where’s Number Two?” Hereat she arose and opened the closet in which was the Gentleman and led him out by the hand till he stood before her husband, who looked hard at him and was certified of him and recognised him as the Shâhbandar; so he said to him, “O Khawájah, when didst thou make thee a droll?”[[375]] but the other returned to him neither answer nor address and only bowed his brow groundwards. Quoth the house-master to him, “Dance for us a wee and when thou shalt have danced do thou tell us a tale.” So he fell perforce to clapping his hands and skipping about until he fell down of fatigue when he said, “O my lord, there is with me a rare story, and an exceeding strange if thou of thy grace accord attention to my words.” “Tell on and I will listen to thee,” quoth the other, whereupon said the Gentleman, “’Tis concerning the wiles of womankind,” and fell to relating the adventures of
THE SYRIAN AND THE THREE WOMEN OF CAIRO.[[377]]
There was a man, a Shámí, who came to the God-guarded city of Misr al-Káhirah—Misr of Mars—and with him was a store of money and merchandize and sumptuous clothing. He hired for himself a room in a caravanserai, and having no slave, he was wont to go forth every day and roam about the city-thoroughfares and cater for himself. Now this continued for a while of time till one day of the days, as he was wandering and diverting his mind by looking to the right and to the left, he was met on the way by three women who were leaning and swaying one towards other as they walked on laughing aloud; and each and every of the three surpassed her fellow in beauty and loveliness. When he looked at them his mustachios curled[[378]] at the sight and he accosted them and addressed the trio, saying, “May it be that ye will drink coffee in my lodging?” “Indeed we will,” said they, “and we will make mirth with thee and exceeding merriment, passing even the will of thee.” Quoth he, “When shall it be?” and quoth they, “To-night we will come to thy place.” He continued, “I am living in a room of Such-and-such a Wakálah.”[[379]] and they rejoined, “Do thou make ready for us supper and we will visit thee after the hour of night-prayers.” He cried, “These words are well;” so they left him and went their ways; and he, on the return way home, bought flesh and greens and wine and perfumes; then, having reached his room, he cooked five kinds of meats without including rice and conserves, and made ready whatso for the table was suitable. Now when it was supper-time behold, the women came in to him, all three wearing capotes[[380]] over their dresses, and when they had entered they threw these cloaks off their shoulders and took their seats as they were moons. Hereupon the Syrian arose and set before them the food-trays and they ate their sufficiency, after which he served to them the table of wine, whereat they filled and passed to him and he accepted and swilled until his head whirled round, and as often as he looked at any one of them and considered her in her mould of beauty and loveliness he was perplext and his wits were wildered. They ceased not to be after such fashion until the noon o’ night,——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-seventh Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Syrian and the three ladies ceased not to persevere in the drinking of wine until the noon o’ night, at which time he would not distinguish between masculine and feminine from the excess of his wine-bibbing, so he said to one of the three, “Allah, upon thee, O my lady, what may be the name of thee?” She replied, “I am hight ’Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?’” Whereat he exclaimed, “No, Walláhi!” Then he up-propped himself on his elbow and rising from the ground said to the second, “Thou, O my lady, and life-blood of my heart, what is thy name?” She answered, “I am hight, ’Never-sawest-thou-my-like,’” and he replied, “Inshallah—what Allah willeth—O my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like.” Then said he to the third, “And thou, O dearling of my heart, what may be the name of thee?” And said she, “I am hight ’Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.’” When he heard these words he cried out with a loud outcry and fell to the ground saying, “No, by Allah, O my lady, Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.”[[381]] But when the three women regarded him his reason was upset and they forced upon him more wine-bibbing whilst he cried to them, “Fill for me, ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like, and thou too, my lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me, and eke thou, O my lady Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.” And they drove him to drink still more until he fell to the ground without a vein swelling[[382]] for he had become drunken and dead drunk. When they saw him in this condition they doffed his turband and crowned him with a cap, and fringes projecting from the peak,[[383]] which they had brought with them; then they arose and finding in his room a box full of raiment and ready money, they rifled all that was therein. Presently they donned their dresses and, waiting until the door of the Wakalah was opened after the call to the morning-prayer, they went their ways and the Veiler vouchsafed them protection[[384]] and they left the Syrian man in his room strown as a tried toper and unknowing what the women had done with him of their wile and guile. Now when it was the undurn-hour he awoke from his crapula and opening his eyes, cried, “Ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like! and ho my lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and ho my lady Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know me!” But none returned to him any reply. Then he pulled himself together and glanced carefully around but his sight fell not upon anyone beside him, so he arose and went to the box wherein he found never a single thing. This restored him to his right senses and he recovered from his drink and cried, “There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great: this be a judgment they have wrought for me.” Then he went forth still wearing the tall fringed cap and knowing nothing of himself and, when he had issued from his caravanserai, he cried to everyone he met in the streets, “I am seeking Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?” and the men would reply, “No, I never sighted the like of thee;” and to a second he would say, “I am looking for one Never-sawest-thou-aught-like-me;” and the other would answer, “Indeed, I never beheld thy fellow;” then he would ask a third “Hast thou seen one Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me?” and the questioned would answer, “Indeed, I have looked at thee but I know thee not at all.” And he ceased not wandering about, bonnet on head, and everyone who met him by the way returned him the like replies until he came upon a party of folk who were in front of a barber’s booth.[[385]] There he cried upon them also, “Ah! Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and Ah! Never-sawest-thou-my-like! and Ah! Look upon-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me!” Hereat, understanding that he was touched in brain and this was a judgment that had been wrought upon him, they seized him and forced him into the barber’s shop and bringing a mirror set it in his hands. When he looked therein he found a fool’s cap upon his head, so forthwith he tore it off and took thought and said to those present, “Who of you can guide me to those three women?” They said to him, “O Syrian, march off with thyself to thy own land for that the folk of Egypt can play with the egg and the stone.”[[386]] So he arose without stay and delay; then, taking what provaunt was sufficient for the way and what little of fine raiment had been left to him, he quitted Cairo intending for his own country. Now the Emir hearing this tale of the Shahbandar wondered thereof with extreme wonderment and said to the Gentleman, “An thou have finished do thou fare forth and go about thy business.” Accordingly he went from him still garbed in gaberdine and bonnet on head when the house-master asked his wife, “Who of them here remaineth with thee?” And she answered, “Have patience and I will bring thee the third.” So she arose and opening another closet summoned the Flesher and taking him by the hand, whilst he was ashamed and abashed, led him till he stood before her spouse and the poor fellow availed not to raise his eyes from the ground. Presently the husband considered him and knew him and was certified that he was Such-and-such the Chief Butcher and head of the craft, so he said to him, “Ho thou the clever one, do thou dance for us a wee and after that tell us a tale.” Accordingly he stood up and clapped hands and fell to dancing and prancing till such time as he dropped down for fatigue; after which he said, “O my lord, I have by me a tale anent the craft and cunning of women.” Asked the other, “And what may it be?” and the Butcher began to relate the tale of