The teacher in a public school had an incorrigible girl to deal with, and for the twentieth time had taken her aside for a little heart-to-heart talk on the subject of conduct, and was apparently making a good impression on the child’s mind, for she was attentive and observant as she never had been before, not taking her eyes off the teacher’s face while she was talking, so that the teacher was inwardly congratulating herself, until the scholar broke in with:
“Why, Miss Mary Jane, when you talk your upper jaw doesn’t move a bit!”
A DUTCH CONUNDRUM
A number of gentlemen from different parts of the country were lodging at one of the hotels in Atlantic City. It was their custom to amuse themselves at table by relating anecdotes and conundrums. One of the men, a Pennsylvania Dutchman, was always greatly delighted at these jokes and laughed louder than the rest, but never related anything himself. He couldn’t think of anything to say, and being so much rallied for his standing failure to contribute to the general fund, he determined that the next time he was called on he would have something to relate. So he went to one of the waiters and asked him if he knew any good jokes or conundrums. The waiter said he did, and gave him the following:
“It is my father’s child, and my mother’s child, and yet it is not my sister or my brother,” telling him at the same time that it was himself.
Hans bore it well in mind, and the next day at dinner he suddenly burst out with, “I’ve got a conundrum for you!” “Let’s have it!” exclaimed his companions.
“Vell—here it iss. It iss my fader’s child, and it iss my mudder’s child, and yet it wass not my sister nor my brudder. Now, vat wass dot?”
“Then it must be yourself,” said one of the company. And they all said the same. But Hans laughed them all to scorn, saying, “Diss time I cotched you. I got you now. You wass all wrong. It wass der waiter.”
ROUGH ON THE DEACON
The Reverend Dr. John was a country minister and was very fond of hunting rabbits. One fall day he was out in a field along the public road at his favorite pastime, and had located a rabbit. Just then he spied one of his deacons coming down the road. Thinking to play a trick on the deacon, he pulled up the collar of the old coat he was wearing, drew down the rim of his slouch hat, humped together and made himself as unrecognizable as possible. He then turned his back to the road and began to take a very deliberate aim. The deacon was interested. He stopped in the road. He walked over to the fence, and leaning on the top rail, he called out, “Give him h——l!” The Reverend gentleman shot the rabbit, and then turned around—but the deacon was off on a run, nor could the minister get anywhere near him for six weeks.