RABBITS ENOUGH
The same Reverend Dr. John was fond of telling a good story about a neighboring minister who served a people living up “along the blue mountain.” Rabbits were very plentiful up in that section, and in the fall of the year when this minister went on a round of pastoral visitation amongst his people, they fed him on rabbits wherever he came. It was rabbits in the morning, rabbits at noon, rabbits at night—fried rabbit, stewed rabbit, roasted rabbit—till the poor parson was so utterly sick of the fare that he composed a special grace at table, which ran somewhat after this fashion:
“Rabbits young and rabbits old,
Rabbits hot and rabbits cold,
Rabbits tender and rabbits tough—
I thank Thee, O Lord, I’ve had rabbits enough!”
COLORED APOSTLES
The darkey preacher and one of his deacons fell to discussing the color-line amongst the apostles. The deacon maintained that “all de ’postles was cullud pussons, ’cause don’t you see, Bruddah, dat de Holy Lan’ is ’bout de same latitude as Africa, an’ dey all jist muss a bin cullud.” But the parson was of a contrary opinion, declaring that while “O’ co’se some on ’em mout a bin cullud, dey wa’n’t all dat a way. Dar, fer ’sample, was Saint Paul—he mout a bin cullud, but den dar war Saint Petah, he wa’n’t. I know he wa’n’t.” “An’ how you know dat, Bruddah?” queried the deacon. “Wa’ll, deacon,” said the preacher, “Saint Petah nevah was a cullud pusson, ’case if he had a bin cullud dat dar rooster wouldn’t a crowed more’n onct.”
NEAR THE END OF HIS JOURNEY
A distinguished lawyer and politician was traveling with a pass on a train, when an Irish woman came into the car lugging along a big basket and a bundle, and sat down near him. When the conductor came in to collect the fares, the woman paid her money, and the conductor passed by the lawyer without collecting anything. The good woman looked at him and said, “An’ faith, an’ why is it that the conductor takes the money of a poor Irishwoman, an’ don’t ask ye for anything, an’ ye seem to be a rich mon?” The lawyer replied, “My good woman, I am traveling on my beauty.” The woman looked at him more carefully for a moment, and said, “An’ is that so? An’ then, sure, you must be near your journey’s end.”
BOO!
A Virginia farmer was trying to train a small horse for a saddle-horse for his daughter, and was riding the animal up and down the road past a haystack. In order to accustom the horse to sudden fright, he directed his son to hide behind the haystack and jump out as he rode by and say, “Boo!” The boy did so, and the horse reared and plunged till he had thrown the rider on the roadside and ran away. The old man picked himself up, cut a switch from a handy hedge, and was about to chastise the boy. When the boy expostulated, declaring that he had only done what he had been directed to do, the old man said, “Yes, I know you did, but you let out altogether too big a Boo for such a small horse!”