A negro prayed that his brethren might be preserved from their “upsettin’ sins.” “Brudder,” said one of his friends, “you hain’t got de hang o’ dat ar word. It’s be-settin’, not upsettin’.” “Brudder,” replied the other, “if dat’s so, den it’s so. But—I was prayin’ de Lawd to save us from de sin o’ ’toxication, for dar dey jest set-em-up fust and den dey gits upset, an’ if dat ain’t an upsettin’ sin, I dunno what am.”
There are very few men who can handle a red-hot lamp-chimney and at the same time say, “There is no place like Home,” without getting—confused.
That was a truly human tombstone that bore the inscription, “I expected this, but not just yet.”
A youth was heard to remark to a jolly, fat Teutonian, “Haven’t I seen you before? Your face certainly looks familiar?” “Iss dot so?” answered Hans. “An’ ven you get so oldt as me, your face vill look fermiliar, too.”
A young lady complained to her male companion that she didn’t like arithmetic. She couldn’t understand it, and didn’t see the use of it. The young man said he would teach her. “Now,” said he, “I kiss you three times on one cheek and four times on the other. How many does that make?”