“Seven,” whispered the girl, disengaging herself to breathe more freely.
“Well,” said he, “that is Arithmetic.”
“Dear me,” said she, “I did not think it ever could be made such a very pleasant study.”
ARTEMUS WARD AT THE THEATRE
Artemus Ward records that he once went to the theatre, “Niblo’s Garding,” New York, to hear Edwin Forrest in Othello. “I sot down in the Pit,” says he, “took out my spectacles & commenced peroosin’ the evenin’s bill. The awjince was all-fired large & the Boxes was full of the Elitty of New York. Several opery glasses was leveld at me by Gothum’s fairest darters, but I didn’t let on as tho I noticed it, tho mebby I did take out my sixteen-dollar silver watch & brandish it round more than was necessary. But, the best of us has our weaknesses, and if a man has gewelry, let him show it.
“As I was peroosin’ the bill, a grave young man who sot near me axed me if I’d ever seen Forrest dance ‘The Essence of Old Virginny? He’s immense in that,’ said the young man. ‘He also does a fair champion jig,’ the young man continued, ‘but his Big Thing is the Essence of Old Virginny.’
“Sez I—‘Fair youth, do you know what I’d do with you, if you was my sun?’
“‘No,’ sez he.
“‘Wall,’ sez I, ‘if you was my sun, I’d appint your funeral for tomorrow arternoon, at two o’clock—and the Korps would be reddy. You’re too smart to live on this here yearth.’ That youth didn’t try any more of his doggone capers on me.”
“Teacher,” said a boy in a New York City school, “my sister’s got the measles.” “Well, then, my boy, you go home and you stay home till your sister has entirely got over them.” After the boy was gone, another boy raised his hand and said, “Teacher, that boy’s sister what’s got the measles lives in Omaha!”