Custodian of the Schloss at Heidelberg (explaining the functions of his office to stranger): “What the professors are to the university, that we are to the Schloss.”
In Court.—Defendant: “Gentlemen, I have much to say in favour of my client. First——”
Prisoner (interrupting him): “You’d better not give yourself any trouble trying to pull me through, Herr Doctor. I take it the gentlemen haven’t much faith left in either of us.”
A.: “I wish I knew something to give my uncle for his birthday. He is such an old miser that no matter what I buy him, I’m sure he will not use it.”
B.: “Why, that’s glorious! All you have to do is to fill half-a-dozen of bottles with water, cork and seal them well, and stick on a label, ‘Old Rhine Wine, 1780.’”
Frederick, a tailor’s apprentice, has lent a shilling to Henry, a barbers journeyman. To show his gratitude, Henry says: “Frederick, if you should ever get into straits, if all your friends should fall off from you; if your father and mother, your sister and brother, should leave you in the lurch, then come to me, and take my word for it, I’ll shave you, and never charge you a penny!”
Stranger: “Beg pardon, sir, will you tell me which road I must take to get to the university?”
First Student: “I don’t know precisely myself. It is only two years since I came here. It is more likely you know, Bummer—you’ve been here for eight years.”
Second Student: “I? I have forgotten long ago.”