—"Dear me! That's a lot of money to leave behind."
"John, can you tell me the difference between attraction of gravitation and attraction of cohesion?"
"Yes, sir; attraction of gravitation pulls a drunken man down to the ground and the attraction of cohesion prevents his getting up again."
Doctor—You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork.
Patient—Why, that spells ruin! I'm a hair-dresser!
After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap.