"Its faith to a girl; hope to a young woman and charity to an old maid."
"Things are wrong," remarked the observer of events and things, "when a reputable physician has to pay money for a certificate to practice, and a fourteen-year-old girl with a new piano doesn't."
"In choosing a wife," said the scanty-haired philosopher, "one should never judge by appearances."
"That's right," rejoined the very young man. "The homeliest girls usually have the most money."
"Say, did you ever feel as if you wanted to 'hit the pipe?'"
"No, but I've often felt as if I wanted to hit the man who was smoking it."