There once was a wary prof.
Who captured a youthful trans.
He said, "Son, don't lie—
Aren't you stealing pie?"
But the lad said, "I'm not a conf."
"What is there about betting on horse-races that is so bad for the health?" said young Mrs. Brown.
"I never heard of anything," answered the visitor.
"Didn't you? Every time Charley makes a bet he comes home and says there is something wrong with his system."
"Jackson never lights one of his cigars. Just keeps it in his mouth and chews the end. I've often wondered why."
"You wouldn't if you had ever smoked one of them."