"So you were bound and gagged by bandits while in Italy, were you?" asked the garrulous person; "regular comic-opera bandits, eh?"
"No sir," said the traveler; "there was nothing of the comic-opera style about them. The gags they used were all new."
An excellent reason.—Casey—"Oi'll wurk no more fer thot mon Dolan." Mrs. Casey—"An' phwy?" Casey—"Shure, t'is an account av a remark thot he made t' me." Mrs. Casey—"Phwat did he say?" Casey—"Sez he, 'Pat, ye're discharged.'"
Old Lady (at a ball game)—"Why do they call that a fowl? I don't see no feathers."
O'Riley—"No ma'am. It's a picked nine."
Men are deceivers as a rule,
And trust them far you never can;
Though at confectioner's sometimes
You may unearth a candied man!