An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't.
"Yes, dear," said the petted young wife, examining her Christmas gift, "these diamond earrings are pretty, but the stones are awfully small."
"Of course, my dear," replied the diplomat husband, "but if they were any larger they'd be all out of proportion to the size of your ears."
Two Irish farmers who had not seen each other for a long time met at a fair. They had a lot of things to tell each other. "Shure, it's married I am," said Murphy. "You don't tell me so," said Moran. "Faix, yes," said Murphy, "an' I've got a fine healthy bhoy which the neighbors say is the very picture of me." Moran looked for a moment at Murphy, who was not, to say the least, remarkable for his good looks, and then said, "Och, well, what's the harum so long as the child's healthy?"
A bashful young couple, who were evidently very much in love, entered a crowded street car in Boston the other day. "Do you suppose we can squeeze in here?" he asked, looking doubtfully at her blushing face.
"Don't you think, dear, we had better wait until we get home?" was the low, embarrassed, reply.