CAUTION
Marshall Field, 3rd, according to a story that was going the rounds several years ago, bids fair to become a very cautious business man when he grows up. Approaching an old lady in a Lakewood hotel, he said:
"Can you crack nuts?"
"No, dear," the old lady replied. "I lost all my teeth ages ago."
"Then," requested Master Field, extending two hands full of pecans, "please hold these while I go and get some more."
CHAMPAGNE
MR. HILTON—"Have you opened that bottle of champagne, Bridget?"
BRIDGET—"Faith, I started to open it, an' it began to open itself. Sure, the mon that filled that bottle must 'av' put in two quarts instead of wan."