"Hoo is it, Jeemes, that you mak' sic an enairmous profit aff yer potatoes? Yer price is lower than ony ither in the toon and ye mak' extra reductions for yer freends."
"Weel, ye see, I knock aff twa shillin's a ton beacuse a customer is a freend o' mine, an' then I jist tak' twa hundert-weight aff the ton because I'm a freend o' his."—Punch.
The conductor of a western freight train saw a tramp stealing a ride on one of the forward cars. He told the brakeman in the caboose to go up and put the man off at the next stop. When the brakeman approached the tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to keep away.
"Did you get rid of him?" the conductor asked the brakeman, when the train was under motion again.
"I hadn't the heart," was the reply. "He turned out to be an old school friend of mine."
"I'll take care of him," said the conductor, as he started over the tops of the cars.
After the train had made another stop and gone on, the brakeman came into the caboose and said to the conductor:
"Well, is he off?"
"No; he turned out to be an old school friend of mine, too."